Growing Pains: SBUs

A few weeks ago, I wrote about how Joe tried to rationalize my expanding butt as necessary ballast to counteract my even more rapidly expanding belly. If you recall, the very emotionally-uninvolved argument was that without the ballast on the back end, I would tip over.

(By the way, I have since recalled that a man once asked one of my very pregnant friends how it was possible that she didn't tip over. She is a very small person and I'm pretty sure that her butt did not visibly appear to provide any ballast. The point of this little addendum is to prove that men are seriously concerned about weight distribution and balance in pregnant women, to the point where it presents such a mental puzzle that all caution for social niceties are thrown out the window and rather rude comments are made.)

This past weekend I suddenly decided that I simply cannot wear any longer the maternity pants with the large elastic band that goes up and over the belly. This was a problem because all of my maternity pants have said elastic band. So yesterday I went to Old Navy and found some khaki pants with a drawstring and a very minimal elastic band, and I was pretty sure it was a gift from God. People, they were even on sale for under $20.

Anyway, I was modeling these new pants for Joe, and put my hands on my hips just above the low-rise elastic band, only to make a startling discovery: I have love handles. Significant love handles. Since I can't really turn sideways enough to view that area, I went to the nearest mirror for visual confirmation, and there they were. I started lamenting the arrival of these love handles, only to hear Joe say, "I told you, you need ballast."

"I thought my butt was ballast! Just how much ballast do you think I need?!" I replied.

"Well, your butt is the primary ballast," said Joe, his face all innocence. "Those are supplemental ballast units. You know, SBUs. To prevent from tipping side to side..." At this point the innocence started to fade a bit from his face, probably in response to the scowl that had appeared on mine.

So, SBUs. Didn't know they existed, but I've got 'em. And for all the males I will encounter in the next two months, thank goodness they are clearly visible. No one will have to ask me "How do you not tip over?"