something different

I realize this isn't really in keeping with the whole home-improvement theme of my oh-so-fascintating blog, but perhaps you will all appreciate something different. Or not. Mostly I just feel the need to document the bizarre world of dairy in Colorado.

I had heard from someone before we moved out here that the milk was expensive and tasted weird, and that good cheese was hard to find in Colorado. Being an avid milk-drinker and from the dairy-rich Midwest, this was a hard though terrifying concept for me to grasp. I have to admit I was a little concerned when my first trip to the grocery store produced not a single slab of parmesan cheese and one block of what I later discovered to be imitation cheddar cheese (the stuff will NOT melt). The milk was a little more promising, however, and I was surprised to find about ten different varieties of milk to choose from, including several brands of whole milk, which I thought they stopped selling when I was in third grade when the little red pint cartons no longer appeared in the milk crates at the beginning of the lunch line. Anyway, I bypassed the many refrigerators of whole milk for the skim, and was confused by what I found. Skim Select and regular Skim--neither said anything about RbST homrones, and they cost the same. I could discern no difference by my rather quick glance at the bottles (one is always in a hurry when grocery shopping), so I took the free (supposed) upgrade and discovered that Skim Select tasted pretty much like...milk. Only maybe a little more creamy than skim usually tastes. But at least my fears of strange tasting milk had been calmed. I drank about three gallons of Skim Select before deciding that this unidentified difference really was kinda weird--as was the creaminess, which I definitely now tasted--and thought to check the ingredients to figure out just what makes Skim Select select. In very small letters on the side label I found "Enhanced with natural milk flavor." Huh? The ingredients said "Milk, milk flavor, artificial color." Just what is "milk flavor" and how does milk not have it in the first place? Where do they get it in order to inject it into my milk if it isn't in the milk? And what kind of crap milk do they start with if it needs enhanced milk flavor? Does it turn the milk blue or something so that it requries artificial color to turn it white again? And if it requires this extra treatment (which necessarily means it must cost more to produce), why is it the same price as the normal milk? To entice unsuspecting people like me to purchase something with artificial non-milk milk flavor that could have unknown side-effects while it rolls around in your stomach for an undisclosed period of time because who knows what the heck it is?

I buy regular skim now, thank you very much.