Growing Up

Harper put herself to sleep tonight.

We went through the usual routine, starting with me attempting to get her limbs into pajamas and a sleep sack while she screamed and contorted her body to avoid having her limbs put into pajamas and a sleep sack. Then we read a book while she calmed down from the pajama incident, then we nursed, and then I held her and jiggled her and whispered stories and sang a lullaby--all part of the normal routine when she doesn't just immediately fall asleep after nursing, which is happening more and more.

When she was still staring at me with wide open eyes after the lullaby, I resorted to more desperate measures, including swaying while standing and deep knee bends (my sister told me about this one and it usually works like a charm as long as your knees can take it).

These desperate measures were clearly working, because her counter-measures to fight sleep also got more desperate. She started snatching the pacifier from her mouth and in a surprisingly swift motion chucking it across the room so that I couldn't catch it before it left her little fingers. I replaced the pacifier with an extra, but after the third time I was out of pacifiers.

I was also getting very frustrated because usually we go through this routine at 5:45 or 6, and generally she's asleep in 15 minutes and then Joe and I can eat dinner together. Tonight she was wide awake and playing until 6:45, and the binky-throwing didn't start until after 7.

I was too hungry to have any more patience, so I gave her a hug, said goodnight, and set her in her crib. I expected her to scramble into a sitting position right away and start crying, but she just laid there babbling happily to herself. I started walking to the door and paused, again expecting her to cry when she saw me leaving, and again there was nothing. I walked out and closed the door, and when it was still quiet I went downstairs.

It wasn't until I had finished telling Joe about the miracle and just popped in my first bite of food that she started crying. It only lasted for a minute, though, and then she was finally asleep.

The crazy thing is that while I'm excited that in the future I might be able to put her to bed without really having to make sure she's asleep, I'm also kind of sad that she was clearly happier once I'd left her alone in her crib than when I'd been holding her close. I guess I can't really feel badly that she's figured out that a soft mattress and some personal space are a heck of a lot nicer for falling asleep than hot lumpy arms for a pillow, lots of movement and lots of noise. I think I just would have preferred that she show some maturity by realizing that putting on pajamas isn't the end of the world, rather than have her not fall asleep in my arms. At least for a little while.