Marriage and Ghostbusters

This week Joe and I celebrated our seven year wedding anniversary...and by celebrate, I mean I remembered in the morning after Joe had left for work and sent him a text. This gave him enough warning to purchase a card before coming home. In fairness to Joe, I think he has gotten me a real card before midnight on the actual day every year. This is a much better record than me, who has only given him a homemade card written in marker on computer paper every other year at the most. This year was an off year.

Joe claims that by hitting the seven year mark we have outlasted the average length of a marriage in the U.S. In honor of this, I thought I'd share a few reasons why I think our marriage has beat the odds. After thinking about it, though, I could really only come up with one. So here it is:

1. The Escape Phrase
An escape phrase is what you say when you don't want to answer the other person's question, give an opinion, or indicate that you are interested in any way without hurting the other person's feelings. Our escape phrase is a quote from Rick Moranis's character in Ghostbusters: "Yes, have some." For example, last week I asked Joe "Do you like how I look without bangs, or should I get them cut again?" His response: "Yes, have some." When pressed he said that he really would be happy to offer an opinion if he had any idea what I was talking about, but he thought I had bangs at the moment and I'd just indicated I didn't, so he was very confused.

Similarly, when he starts talking about Bronco parts and says, "I was thinking that the trans-differential dohicky majob might be better if I changed the torque on the whatchamacallit and tilted the axle to accommodate a rotating whatsit." Without even looking up from my book, I say "Yes, have some." In this way I can acknowledge that I heard him, but like the brain-fried and newly-made Keymaster Moranis, I have no clue what you said, I'm pretty sure it doesn't apply to me, and I very politely encourage you to continue going about your business and leave me to mine.

The escape phrase is helpful because it offers acknowledgment without misleading the other person into thinking that you are interested enough to continue the conversation. This is important because pretending to listen and respond when you really aren't paying attention can lead to some serious misunderstandings.

For example, a few weeks ago Joe and I were sitting watching TV and just when I was getting up to get a drink of water a commercial came on for a brand of Charmin toilet paper that claims it won't leave bits of paper sticking to your butt. This commercial has always baffled me, because I didn't know that bits of toilet paper were such a problem, much less that they affected enough people that advertisers thought there was a need for such a targeted ad. As I got up off the couch I said to Joe, "I just don't really get this. Do you ever have a problem with toilet paper sticking to your butt?"

 Joe was playing around on his laptop and not really watching the TV or listening to me. Instead of acknowledging this by using the escape phrase, however, he decided to pay attention only to the last part of my question, which led him to believe that I was getting up off the couch because I had so much toilet paper stuck to my butt I was uncomfortable. This put him in a tough situation, because while he was concerned for my well-being, he also really didn't want to know any more about my problem. He gave me a very worried look and said, "Um, noooo..."

Of course, I took this hesitancy as reluctance to admit that yes, he has had this problem that I was making fun of. After several more confused looks the conversation ended with:
"Do you have toilet paper on your butt?"
"No! Do you?"
"No!"
"Well good!"
"Good! Why are we talking about this?"


Ten minutes wasted arguing about TP bits, all because Joe forgot to put into practice the wisdom of the Keymaster.